#HomeGirlSummer Sucks

If 2019 was #Hotgirlsummer then 2020 has turned out to be #Homegirlsummer. All of the hot girls are stuck at home due to COVID-19 restrictions and they’re not happy about it. After her summer of Essence-fest, visiting three different countries and a “Her-rem” of male suitors, Renee Chritsans is stuck at home. “This sucks! I’ve been in the house since March with only eight new episodes of Insecure and a box of expiring condoms. I did learn something about myself. I was lying when I told people I dress cute to please myself and not other folks. I’ve been wearing the same sweat pants and Beyonce Homecoming t shirt for months. My roommate Randi asked if my closet door is stuck and if she needs me to get it open so that I can change clothes. I haven’t thought about trying to look cute. I’m also tired of dudes tryna holla at the grocery stores. They have nice eyes but when you see a picture of them without the mask…the rest of their face is a national disaster bigger than the one we’re in.”

Other women are angry. Nicole Green says she needs the U.S. to “get it’s s**t together.” She went on to say “This is a damn shame. It’s summer time and the entire country ain’t invited nowhere. People don’t want to wear masks and keep spreading the Rona so we can’t go to the countries that are recovering. It’s one thing for someone to forget to invite you somewhere, it’s a whole different thing to be put on a not invited list. People at the party know you weren’t invited and talk about you. Right now in Europe there are people visiting from other parts of the world saying ‘Girl….have you seen any Americans here? I ain’t seen none. I heard they wasn’t invited because they too nasty over there. They don’t know how to stay home or wear masks when they’re out. They just triflin’. I’m glad they ain’t here cuz I’d have to leave.’ I know that’s what they’re saying about us.”

#HomeGirlSummer is tough on the fellas too. Men who couldn’t keep up where their wives or girlfriends were last year are having the opposite problem. “Last year when I would ask my girl where she was going she’d respond ‘I’m going to where I’m going to be… it’s hot girl summer boo, I ain’t got time for you’. Now she’s at my place every day talkin about ‘What you got planned for us to do?’. I ain’t got nothing planned, ain’t nothing to do. Right now I’d be happy for #lukewarmgirlsummer.”

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John Moody

Author: John Moody

John B. Moody is a comedic performer, writer, and Executive Publisher of The Urban Beet. He also hosts the Dear John Podcast. Please send questions, comments or marriage proposals to the email address he provided when you met.
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