Alarming Rise In High-Water Pants Makes Climate Change Denier Suspicious

Los Angeles – Brendan Bowers, a resident of Los Angeles County and known climate change denier, announced before a crowded press audience that he was considering changing his mind about climate change after noticing an â??alarmingâ? rise in high- water pants. â??At first I was like, â??all this nonsense about heat waves and rising sea levels, câ??mon!â?? â? Bowers scowled dismissively, with a wave of the hand. â??But then I noticed more people walking around with high-water pants, and then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoaâ?¦ wait a minute.â?

According to Bowers, high-water pants were the subjects of extreme ridicule back in the 80s and 90s, especially for African-Americans. â??Mostly itâ??s been white kids with the high-waters, but lately Iâ??ve seen even black kids pulling their pants above their ankles. Thatâ??s when I realized that theyâ??re preparing for something.â? Bowers conceded. His head hung ominously low when he added, â??the levies are about to break again.â?

When asked if he would officially renounce his denial of climate change, Bowers nevertheless equivocated. â??I still need more evidence,â? He said. When a reporter asked if the total extinction of a species would be evidence enough, he laughed. â??Of course not. But if the high-waters start coming up to the knees then we got something to talk about.â?

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Ahmad Jordan

Author: Ahmad Jordan

Ahmad Jordan is a designer, writer, and self-described Egyptophile who has been studying the history and religion of ancient Egypt since he was 16. He's currently 46, which means he's been tenaciously holding on to the unhealthy obsession for 30 years and counting. He also directed and produced Autism: A Self-Portrait, a 30-minute documentary about the autism community in Western New York.
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